Human
by coeurgryffondor
Summary: Remus has no where to go after Hogwarts, until James can't let him go on pretending everything's alright. Marauders


Remus knew he would never go back to his parent's; his mother way dying and his father was, well, his father. But after Hogwarts that didn't really leave Remus with anywhere to go.

For the first few months he stayed with James and Sirius in their flat. But once James married Lily, and Sirius started going out at night to find some substitute for James, normally in the form of loose women, Remus didn't feel right about it. He had never paid rent, while they had charged Peter for the nights he spent visiting.

Remus was many things, and he knew being proud would get him nowhere. But he couldn't do it. He couldn't live with them and not pay.

Which was how he found himself on the streets of London.

The nights of the full moon were the worst. Remus would go out into the country, as far from people as he could get. He used to tie himself to trees so he couldn't go far, used to make these protective circles he couldn't get out of. And after the night was done, and he had ripped himself up with his jaw and claws, Remus didn't have the money to go to St. Mungo's. Those wounds never healed properly, never had a chance to, once Remus was back on the street.

He kept up appearances alright. Every once and a while he'd stay over at whosever house had the last Order meeting with some of the others. Those nights were his only chance to sleep on a real bed, to get a good shower, to remember what it was like to be human.

Human.

Memories of Lily in the newlywed's apartment always come back to haunt him. She's so beautiful, red hair, pale skin, green eyes. Remus thinks he could have loved her, if he'd ever given himself the chance. And he thinks she could have loved him, if he hadn't pushed her away from the start. And he knows she means well when she leans in and hugs him, whispering in his ear.

"You are the greatest wizard I know, Remus. You are a wonderful human being."

Around November he can tell they're getting suspicious. It's cold out, too cold, even for Remus. He hasn't heard from his parents; he assumes his mother is dead, though he never checks. He loved his mother more than anyone else. She never saw him as a monster, always cared for him, never took no for an answer when he was too stubborn and too proud for his own well being.

The truth is, he misses her, and that's why he's slipping up.

December 1st they have a party, James and Lily. Sirius shows up with a massive hangover and a German blonde named Fräulein. Remus laughs; Fräulein isn't a name, it's German for "Miss". As if Sirius has been sober enough the last 24 hours to figure that out.

Maybe it was the laugh that gave him away. The hollow sound it made, his lungs too damaged to make a good sound anymore. The cough afterwords doesn't really help either.

Others come and go from the party, but somehow Remus ends up spending the whole night on the couch with Fräulein, a once-again drunk Sirius draped across their laps, a lampshade on his head to block out the light.

After James finished dragging Sirius into the spare bedroom, and Fräulein joined him, Remus found the young wizard sitting across from him, watching Remus intently.

"Wha-" Remus begins, eyeing James. He can almost hear the gears turning in his friend's head, and knows nothing good can come of this.

"Why won't you just tell us?"

"Tell you what?"

"That you're homeless."

"Oh." Remus swallows, looking at his hands. They're cut up and callused, and for a moment he can't believe that they're his.

"Remus," James says, very seriously. In the other room, Sirius begins to snore.

When Remus looks up, he notices two things: first, James has moved to the edge of his seat, leaning forward to look Remus in the eye; second, Lily is standing in the doorway behind him, watching her husband. A solitary tear is rolling down her cheek.

"It's not a big-"

"Yes it is. You're being an idiot."

Remus shakes his head, knowing what James is going to offer. Neither of them are willing to listen, neither of them are ready for this conversation.

"James, really, I-"

"No, listen, I'm not going to let you-"

"-am quite fine, thank you for your-"

"-live on the streets like some animal-"

"-concern, but it's just been a rough-"

"-when you can damn well live here-"

"-couple of months, the whole world-"

"-with Lily and me, which is what we want-"

"-is crazy right now, and I-"

"-if you'd just stop for two seconds and consider-"

"Oh, shut up!" Lily yells.

They both stop and stare at her.

Lily moves quickly, taking one of James's hands and one of Remus's. Tears are now falling faster down her face as she links their hands together.

"Remus," she says quietly, turning her head to him. "Please don't say no. This apartment is too big for us, and James is gone for weeks on end on missions. I don't want to be alone, neither of us want you on the street, and I know you want to be useful." Lily stops, seemingly at a lost for more words. She looks to James, who smiles up at her before turning back to Remus.

"Look, we've been through a lot. I need to know someone I trust is here with my wife, and I need to know you're ok and not dead on the streets somewhere. We'll figure something out for your furry little problem, we'll work out the logistics, but Remus, don't say no. Please, don't say no."

It's the end of what James says that gets Remus. It's the cracking of his voice, it's the sound of tears welling up even though James has put his head down by now. Lily is still crying, her breathing loud, as she looks at her husband.

And all Remus can do is agree. Remus is many things, and the novelty of friends means he always says yes.


End file.
